Well, Hey. I’m Maryssa and I guess if you are reading this it means that you have stumbled across my About Me page.
Anyways though like I said, my names is Maryssa, I’m 16 and I am going to be a junior. I live in one of the smallest towns possibly in the world. It is one of those places you know where like everyone knows everyone and their mother… yeah kind of like that. I haven’t always lived here though. Before this is used to live in another town and though it is close to where I live now it was like a whole different time. Everything stood still there and I had time to be happy and I had time to grow into the person I was going to become.
Enough about that though. For me it would be hard to say that life’s been good and kind to me. In fact to say that would be a lie. It has been anything but good and kind. I fully acknowledge that people elsewhere in the world have it so much worse than I make my life out to be, but there is that part inside of me that tells myself that this is the worst things are. I guess it is that sheltered part of me that says that though. And that is true, living with my mom and my step dad I have lived a very sheltered life. In a way I resent them for raising me that way, not exposing me to the different cultures and ways of life that other people are living. I feel that maybe if they had I would be a little bit more educated about the world and not literally stumbling through my life now.
Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t necessarily love the way they raised me. I don’t know if my social phobia or depression comes from the way they raised me but I tend to think that it may having something to do with it. Like the two are interconnected.
You may think that I am kidding when I say ‘Social Phobia’ and ‘Depression’ but I am not. I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed and I have social anxiety aka social phobia. Put me around new people or in a new environment alone and I am sure to faint or black out. I hate it more than I let on. I wish I could be normal. Have the courage to go and hang out with someone new, or go to a new place with friends. But I just try and make due with the cards I have been dealt. Seriously though, if you think I am kidding you should have seen me in target today. I couldn’t even walk up to someone working there to ask them if they had a book I was looking for. I had to have my mom do it for me… Thank goodness she was there.
I did mention before too that I was clinically depressed. I was actually just recently diagnosed about 6 or 7 months ago. I have known for a long time that I had some kind of depression but whenever I tried to talk to someone about it they would just shrug it off and say it was because I was a teenager and all teenagers felt like that. I knew this was different though. When I started having suicidal thoughts and tried to hurt myself, that’s when I turned to Taylor Swift. I felt like I could really really relate to her. I hadn’t been able to relate to someone in so long that when she came along, well when her music came along I felt better and the thoughts of wanting to disappear vanished. She was the one who brought me to finally bring the subject back up to my mom again. This time she did listen to me and since then I have been taking meds and seeing a therapist and things have gotten a whole lot better.
Life isn’t always easy and you’re never really seeing other people, you are seeing what they let you. They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Some one could have a beautiful, bright and endearing cover page but flip through a couple of chapters and they may just be someone lost and confused girl, stumbling and tripping trough her life. All she’s got in her pckets are her big city dreams. They don’t tell you that on the back of the book, do they now? I guess this is why I’m saying all of this now. I’m saying it to whoever is reading this, maybe just so someone knows the inner chapters of me, Maryssa.
